Update on Bill - Turning a corner

The last couple of days have been up and down. Since Saturday, the focus has been on finding the right level for the drugs that Dad is taking so that he can have the maximum quality of life. The challenge is giving Dad enough drugs to keep his diaphragm from spasming (a very distressing condition) and yet allow him be alert enough to enjoy seeing people, reading, listening to music or watching movies. On Saturday, it was decided to back off a little on some of the sedative drugs and he became a little bit more alert. He was able to have conversations with visitors, play cards, take rides in the car, and generally be somewhat engaged.

The trouble is that for Dad, it isn't very satisfying. While he is alert enough to have conversations, the drugs make it impossible for him to do many of the things that he wants to do. For instance, he can't make his fingers work well enough to type and therefore he can't really do email or some of the writing he would like to do. He also can't concentrate enough or think clearly enough to play cards well. He gets confused. Not being able to think clearly or to do things well is very frustrating for him and, at times, he has been very angry. As it has always been with him, the anger passes very quickly, but nonetheless, it is clear to us that he is often not content or peaceful.

Last night (Tuesday night) Kim and I had our weekly family dinner. It was a fairly large gathering with several friends and our kids. Dad was able to attend and seemed to have a good time listening to all the conversations and tossing in several comments and jokes.

Near the end of the evening, Dad was clearly not feeling well with a little indigestion and the beginnings of some spasms. Mom and Dad left and Ruth and Rick went with them back to their apartment. During the night, Dad took a serious turn for the worse with lots of spasms, some vomiting and a great deal of discomfort. The Hospice nurses were called several times and his medication was dramatically increased. He was unable to get comfortable and it was a fairly terrible night.

This morning, Dr. Ferguson from Hospice came by the apartment and made an assessment of Dad. They added some medication to control the spasms and that medication is likely to keep him in substantial sedation for the duration. Dr. Ferguson also thinks that various organs are starting to shut down and that Dad is likely in the last stage of his journey. She said that he is now dying and that it is only a matter of days.

We have gathered at the apartment and are able to provide great support to each other. Dr. Ferguson said, as she left, "Be at peace." In many ways, while we are very sad, we are also at peace.

I'll continue to write things here as the days pass. Thank you for all your love and support.

One other thing, while visits from friends have been wonderful, it is probably no longer the time. We would prefer to keep the visits with him to family. Thank you.